[identity profile] thalialunacy.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] lj_snarchive
Title: Questionnaire
Author: Thalia :D ([livejournal.com profile] thalialunacy)
Author's website: pan-fandom master list
Pairing: Dan/Casey
Rating: R for sex talk
Category: Humorous ficlet. Was supposed be a non-fic meme answer. However.
Summary: Natalie has a few questions.

"So, how's the sex?"



"The sex is fine."

"The sex is fine?"

"The sex is fine."

"I don't know about Dan, but if Jeremy said sex with me was just 'fine,' he'd--"

"It's more than fine. It's great. It's just not something I want to be talking about at Anthony's. Or, you know, ever."

"We could leave Anthony's."

Casey puts his head in his hands.

"Natalie!" Dan calls from across the room. "Stop traumatizing Casey!"

"Then tell him to tell me about your sex life!" she calls back.

Casey moans into his hands.

"Natalie!" Dan calls again. "What have I told you about public places?"

"That they're perfect for frank discussions of real world topics?"

"How is my sex life a real world topic?" Casey says from between his fingers.

"It's real in my world. I think about it a lot."

"You do?"



"Why do I think about it?"


"Why do I think about you and Dan having sex?"


"Well, because it's hot, Casey."

Casey's head comes up quickly. "Danny!"

Dan comes over in his own sweet time, though he has two beers in his hand, and plunks one down in front of Casey while he settles into the chair between them. "What?"

Casey just shakes his head.

"Casey's upset because I think about you guys having sex," Natalie says helpfully.

Dan cocks his head to the side for a moment. "Like, in a porn way or in a--"

"In a research way," Natalie clarifies.

Casey is partially mollified. "Research?"

She nods. "Like... like a questionnaire. I ask lots of my friends these things. It tells me a lot about them."


"Yes, Dan?"

"You've known us for years."

"I have indeed."

"Don't you know a lot about us already?"

She waves this off. "Not the important stuff."

"The important stuff?"

"Yes. Like who's louder."


"Definitely Casey," Dan says without hesitation.


"Really?" Natalie looks at Casey with interest. "I never would've thought that."

"What else?" Dan says. Casey turns to look at him, pure disbelief writ large on his face. "What? It's a questionnaire!"

"You're a jerk and I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"No, I don't. But I think I hate her." He turns back to Natalie.

She returns his gaze assessingly. "No, you don't. So who bottoms?"

Casey tips his chair back and raises his eyes towards the ceiling. Dan just raises one hand.

"Danny, really?"

Dan nods. "Like a champ."

"Oh, I believe that," Natalie says agreeably. "But that leads me to believe that Casey is more often the giver of oral favors."

Casey's chair thunks back to four-on-the-floor at that. "I what now?"

"You know." Natalie makes a sort of vague yes inescapably dirty gesture with her hand and her chin. "So it all...evens out."

Dan snorts, then leans in. "That belief, my fine young friend, would be not unfounded."

"Not unfounded?" Casey says. "Can you please not make the phraseology and content of this conversation awkward?"

"No," Dan and Natalie say at the same time.

"As I was saying," Dan continues, his head close to Natalie's, "there is definitely that aspect ratio going on."

Natalie's eyes are gleaming. "Yeah? He any good?"

"He's all right."

"Hey!" Casey says indignantly. "I'll have you know I'm perfectly skilled in--"

"In a related arena, yes. In a related arena, in the less-charted arena, shall we say, you are noticeably more skilled than a team full of porn stars."

"Well--I--" Casey's face is red. Well, redder than it's been the whole conversation. "Okay."

Natalie's eyes go from Dan to Casey to Dan and back to Casey. Then, finally, they widen. "Oh!"

And then she's the one that's blushing.


"I see."

Casey smiles for the first time since the conversation began. "You had enough of your questionnaire now?"

Natalie rallies, though. "Not on your life. Next I want to talk about toys."

Casey groans, then stands. "I'm going to need more alcohol."

Dan waves him off. "Me too, please."

Casey goes, grumbling to himself. "See if I ever delve into those less-charted waters again, Dan Rydell."

Then he smiles, despite himself.
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